Posts exploring the inner world of leadership—mindset, self-awareness, values, reflection, resilience, and the clarity about who you are that shapes how you lead.

Tag Archive for: Purpose

How a Transformational Coaching Program Transforms Leadership: A Simple Technique with Big Impact

There’s a special kind of joy in seeing your ideas take flight. Recently, I had the honor of contributing to a collaborative article where I shared how a simple executive coaching technique created a profound shift in a client’s leadership skills.

It’s a reminder of how leadership coaching—whether part of a transformational coaching program or tailored as executive leadership coaching—can lead to significant results. In this case, the focus was on helping a senior executive cultivate emotional intelligence and resilience, which transformed their leadership style and team dynamics.

Below is my contribution to the article. I hope it inspires you to consider subtle shifts in your own leadership style. For more insights from other premium coaching professionals, feel free to explore the full article here.

Transformational Coaching Program: Cultivating Emotional Intelligence

One of the most transformative coaching experiences I’ve had involved guiding a senior executive in cultivating emotional intelligence and resilience—key attributes of effective leadership. This executive, while highly skilled and knowledgeable, struggled with managing stress and maintaining composure during critical situations. These challenges impacted his ability to lead with confidence and inspire trust within his team.

To address these issues, I employed a combination of mindfulness practices and cognitive restructuring techniques, grounded in principles of neuroscience. These methods were carefully chosen to help the executive rewire his responses to stress and develop a more reflective and adaptive leadership style.

The first step was to enhance his self-awareness. Through guided reflection, he became more attuned to his emotional triggers and learned to recognize the underlying patterns that led to reactive behaviors. This increased awareness allowed him to pause and choose more constructive responses in high-pressure situations.

Next, we focused on building emotional resilience. By incorporating regular mindfulness practices, the executive learned to recognize the emotion and stay grounded and calm, even in the face of adversity. These practices not only helped him manage his stress more effectively but also improved his overall emotional regulation, enabling him to lead with greater empathy and clarity.

In parallel, cognitive restructuring exercises were introduced to shift his mindset from a reactive to a proactive one. We worked on reframing negative perceptions, which had previously fueled his stress responses, into opportunities for growth and learning. This shift empowered him to approach challenges with a solution-oriented mindset, fostering a more positive and resilient leadership style.

The impact of these techniques was profound. Over time, the executive reported a significant improvement in his ability to handle stressful situations with poise and confidence. His team reported on his newfound ability to lead with calm authority and to inspire a supportive team environment.

This experience underscored the power of combining mindfulness and cognitive restructuring within a coaching framework. By addressing both the internal and external aspects of leadership, we were able to effect lasting change, enabling the executive to not only improve his own leadership skills but also to elevate the performance and morale of his entire team.

P.S. With this case study, I wanted to demonstrate how executive coaching can go beyond addressing immediate challenges to foster deep, lasting transformation. By focusing on emotional intelligence and resilience, leaders not only enhance their own capabilities but also create a more positive, empowered environment for those they lead.

If you’re seeking to elevate your leadership or inspire similar growth within your team, these insights may offer valuable steps forward. Don’t hesitate to reach out to me to discuss your ideas with me.

Warmly,

Maria W.

The Journey to Mastery: My Path from Boardrooms to the Heart of Coaching

Nine years ago, I stepped onto American soil, a land so vast and different from where I’d come from, carrying a suitcase, a wealth of experience in various high-stakes industries, and a heart full of dreams. My past roles—navigating the complexities of mergers and acquisitions, leading a nationwide customs operation, managing a billion-dollar company—suddenly felt like chapters from another lifetime. Here I was, ready for a new chapter but unsure where to start.

The world of coaching unfolded to me through a conversation with a dear friend, Yakov, a suggestion that sparked curiosity and, soon after, a passion. It was as if all my previous experiences were converging, preparing me for this moment. The skills I had honed over the years in leadership, strategy, and finance were about to take on new meaning.

The Columbia Coaching Certification Program was my gateway into this new world. As a non-native English speaker, the initial dive into coaching practices was both exhilarating and daunting. I remember the “fish bowl” sessions, where we practiced coaching under the watchful eyes of peers and mentors. It was here, in moments of vulnerability, that I found strength, supported by a community that valued diversity and personal growth.

The program wasn’t just about learning the mechanics of coaching; it was about finding my voice within the coaching space. It taught me the importance of listening, not just to respond, but to understand and empower. Coaching became more than a profession; it was a calling, a way to make a meaningful difference in people’s lives.

Achieving the Master Certified Coach (MCC) credential from the International Coach Federation was a landmark in this journey. With over 380 hours of education and training under my belt, this wasn’t just a testament to the skills acquired; it was a reflection of the deep, transformative journey I had embarked upon.

But this journey was never just about the destination. It was about the people I met along the way, the mentors who guided me, the clients who entrusted me with their stories, and the colleagues who became companions on this path. It was about the continuous cycle of learning and giving back, of growing as an individual and as a professional.

Now, as I stand on the precipice of new beginnings—writing a book on Executive Presence, leading initiatives as President of the Columbia Coaching Learning Association—I’m reminded of the essence of this journey. It’s about connection, resilience, and the never-ending pursuit of excellence.

Reflecting on the past nine years, I see a tapestry of experiences, challenges, and triumphs. From the boardrooms to the intimate spaces of coaching conversations, it’s been a journey of discovery, not just of my potential but of the profound impact we can have on each other’s lives.

This story, my journey, is a testament to the power of human connection, the beauty of embracing change, and the joy found in pursuing one’s passion. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the most unexpected paths lead us to the most rewarding destinations.

And so, to those who’ve been part of this journey, to the mentors, clients, friends, and family who’ve supported me every step of the way, thank you. Your belief in me has been the greatest gift, fueling my journey and reminding me of the impact we can make when we walk together.

I can only imagine the journey ahead, the stories yet to be written, and the lives we’ll touch. The path from boardrooms to the heart of coaching has been anything but linear, but what a beautiful journey it has been.

Owning Your Expertise: The Power of Balanced Leadership

I’ll never forget the day I walked into my first class at Columbia University’s executive coaching program. The room was full of accomplished professionals—people with decades of experience, impressive credentials, and the kind of presence that fills a space before they even speak.

And me? I felt small.

Not because I lacked experience. I’d spent years leading teams, navigating complex organizational dynamics, and coaching leaders through high-stakes transitions. But in that moment, surrounded by people whose expertise seemed so… established, I found myself shrinking. Apologizing for my perspective before I even shared it. Hedging my insights with phrases like “I might be wrong, but…” or “This is just my experience…”

It took a peer pulling me aside after class to name what I couldn’t see: “Maria, you keep apologizing for knowing what you know. Stop it.”

She was right. I wasn’t owning my expertise. I was performing a version of humility that looked like self-awareness but was actually self-doubt wearing a professional mask.

That moment at Columbia was a turning point. It forced me to confront a pattern I now see in many senior leaders I coach: the cost of not owning your expertise.

Many senior leaders quietly struggle with the same question: How do you own your expertise with confidence without losing humility, curiosity, and connection? Balanced leadership is not about choosing between confidence and humility; it is about integrating both so your executive presence is grounded, credible, and deeply human.​

In the Leadership Integrity Framework, this tension sits at the intersection of Purpose (your inner compass), Presence (how you show up), and Partnership (how others experience you). When leaders over‑correct toward humility, they often unintentionally weaken all three.

When Humility Silences Your Expert Voice

There was a season in my own leadership journey when I became deeply inspired by adult development theory, particularly Robert Kegan’s description of the self‑transforming mind—the capacity to hold multiple perspectives and integrate contradictions. Motivated by intellectual humility, I swung my pendulum decisively away from anything that felt like arrogance.​

It worked—until it didn’t. Feedback from that period described me as “indecisive,” “aloof,” and “hard to read.” In my effort to avoid imposing my perspective, I had effectively abandoned my expert voice. Coaching conversations became open‑ended explorations with endless options but very little direction, and my clients felt the cost of that under‑leadership.​

One coaching engagement with a senior leader in financial services brought this into sharp focus. He valued humility, listening, and empowering his team. Yet his people experienced him as hesitant and over‑cautious. His desire not to dominate the conversation resulted in meetings where no one was quite sure what he actually thought. He was admired as a human being, but his leadership was creating confusion and decision paralysis.​

This is the quiet risk of extreme humility in executive roles: when you over‑rotate into deference, your presence starts to disappear.

The Pitfalls of Over‑Corrected Humility

From an executive presence standpoint, humility becomes problematic when it consistently produces:

  • Chronic indecision and delayed calls, even when you have enough information to act
  • Over‑analysis and perfectionism that stall momentum
  • Vague or overly qualified recommendations that confuse stakeholders
  • Teams that feel under‑led, uncertain, or reluctant to move without your explicit direction​

Neuroscience offers one explanation. When leaders constantly scan for others’ opinions and avoid owning their own, they over‑activate monitoring and threat‑detection circuits instead of creative problem‑solving networks. The result is mental fatigue, slower decisions, and a persistent sense of “I should know, but I don’t want to sound too certain.”​

The paradox is this: the very humility that once made you a thoughtful, collaborative leader can, when taken to an extreme, erode trust in your judgment.

Why Owning Your Expertise Matters for Executive Presence

Owning your expertise is not self‑promotion; it is a leadership responsibility. In senior roles, people look to you for:

  • Clear point‑of‑view: “Given everything we’ve heard, what do you recommend?”
  • Grounded confidence under pressure
  • Visible alignment between your words, decisions, and values (your leadership integrity)​

When you claim your expertise with intention:

  • You broadcast credibility. Teams and stakeholders relax when they sense someone is willing to stand behind a thoughtful, well‑grounded perspective.​
  • You strengthen your leadership brand. Over time, people recognize the signature of your judgment and know what kind of decisions to expect from you.​
  • You model mature confidence—confidence that is rooted not in ego, but in experience, discernment, and a willingness to be accountable for your calls.​

This is Presence in the Leadership Integrity Framework: the observable behaviors through which your inner Purpose becomes visible to others. Owning your expertise is one of the most tangible expressions of that presence.

Balanced Leadership: Integrating Humility and Expertise

Balanced leadership is not a 50/50 compromise between humility and confidence. It is the capacity to move fluidly between:

  • Listening and leading: taking in multiple perspectives, then synthesizing them into a clear direction
  • Questioning and deciding: staying genuinely curious until the decision point, then making a call and owning it
  • Learning and guiding: remaining open to being wrong while still offering your expertise as a resource, not a weapon​

In the context of the Leadership Integrity Framework, this balance draws on three dimensions:​

  • Purpose: being clear about your values and philosophy so you know why you hold a particular view.
  • Presence: communicating that view in a way that is confident, calm, and consistent.
  • Partnership: inviting others into the thinking process so they feel respected, not overruled.

From a vertical development perspective, this is a move from either/or thinking (“Either I’m humble or I’m confident”) to both/and capacity (“I can be deeply humble and own my expertise in service of the system”).​

Practical Ways to Own Your Expertise Without Losing Humility

To make this balance real in daily leadership, you can experiment with a few simple practices:

  • Name your stance out loud: After listening to your team, say, “Here’s how I’m currently seeing this, and why,” then invite critique. This signals both clarity and openness.
  • Turn questions into POV plus curiosity: Instead of only asking, “What do you all think?”, add, “My current view is X because Y; what am I missing?”
  • Set decision thresholds: For recurring issues, define in advance what “enough information” looks like so you don’t keep deferring decisions under the banner of humility.
  • Use your expertise as a scaffold, not a script: Offer frameworks, patterns, and risks you see, then ask others to build on them rather than trying to replace them.​

These habits reinforce a form of executive presence that is neither domineering nor diffuse. You remain deeply teachable, but you no longer hide behind questions when what your context needs is a view.

Owning Your Expertise Responsibly

Responsible expertise is always in service of something larger than personal validation. It is anchored in Purpose, expressed through Presence, and experienced through Partnership.​

That means:

  • You use your voice to clarify, not to close down.
  • You share your experience to grow others, not to prove you are right.
  • You remain willing to update your perspective as new information emerges, without apologizing for what you already know.​

If you recognize yourself in this tension—high humility, strong competence, and a nagging sense that you might be under‑using your own expertise—this is often a sign that your next development edge lies in Presence and Partnership, not more technical skill.​

A useful starting question is:
Where am I consistently softening or silencing my expert voice, and what is that costing my team, my organization, and my own integrity as a leader?​

Owning your expertise is not a destination; it is an ongoing practice of integration—bringing who you are, what you know, and how you lead into alignment. When you do, your leadership stops feeling like a performance and starts feeling like a coherent expression of your best judgment in service of something that truly matters.

Redefining Leadership Success: Building a Personal Brand that Matters

Hello, emerging luminaries and seasoned leaders alike! Today, we’re redefining success in leadership by unveiling an essential element often overlooked in the climb to the top: Your Personal Leadership Brand.

You might assume that crafting a leadership brand is an exercise best suited to the early stages of a career. However, the reality can be quite different. As an emerging leader, you’re often engrossed in scaling the heights of your career ladder, with little time to pause and ponder the significance of your leadership image and the perception you’re building among peers and subordinates. And as you ascend to senior executive or C-suite positions, the need for a well-defined, impactful leadership brand becomes even more pressing.

Your Leadership Brand is not just a catchy phrase or a superficial label. It’s an embodiment of your uniqueness as a leader, the distinctive value you provide, and the promise you make to your audience, whether that’s your team, your organization, or the wider industry. It has the power to transform your leadership trajectory and create a profound impact that resonates far beyond your immediate role.

In this post, I’ll walk you through simple yet powerful exercises designed to help you articulate and shape a leadership brand that truly matters – one that reflects your unique leadership journey and amplifies your influence. It’s a brand that not only communicates who you are as a leader but also the leader you aspire to be.

Finding Your Unique Leadership Value

Embarking on the path to personal brand creation is a journey inward. It’s about understanding who you are as a leader and the unique value you bring to the table. Start with these guiding questions:

  • Who are my key stakeholders and what are their expectations?
  • What unique value do I offer as a leader?
  • What kind of impact do I aspire to make with my leadership?
  • What do I want to be known for?
  • What traits should a leader in my current or desired role exhibit?
  • How do I describe my leadership identity?

Also pose these questions to your stakeholders and welcome their feedback. Their perspectives often reveal aspects of your leadership that you might not see yourself. This journey of self-discovery equips you to create your Leadership Brand Statement:

“I want to be known for being __________ so that I can ________.”

Although simple, this statement is transformative. It guides you towards consistent, authentic leadership that resonates with those around you.

Understanding Your Leadership Brand: Internal and External Perspectives

Your leadership brand has two equally important dimensions: an internal and an external one.

The internal brand is nurtured within your organization and is closely tied to your company’s values and the relationships you nurture within it. It’s expressed through your actions, your decision-making style, problem-solving approach, and the way you inspire and support your team.

The external brand is your image in the broader professional world, including clients, potential employers, or industry peers. It’s about maintaining authenticity while tailoring your image to resonate with different audiences. This often involves online interactions, public speaking, thought leadership articles, or networking events.

Navigating the Challenges

As with any personal and professional endeavor, you’ll face challenges in building your leadership brand. Here are some common ones, along with strategies to overcome them:

  • Inconsistency between perceived and desired brand: There might be a gap between how you perceive your brand and how others do. Regular feedback and self-reflection can help bridge this gap.
  • Difficulty maintaining authenticity: Don’t try to construct a brand that doesn’t align with your true self. Authenticity is crucial in leadership; people trust leaders who are genuine.
  • Resistance to change: You might face resistance, especially if your brand challenges the status quo. Stay resilient, uphold your values, and lead by example.

A Continuous Journey: Your Evolving Leadership Brand

Remember, your leadership brand isn’t static; it evolves with you. Recognizing when and how to adapt your brand is a crucial leadership skill. But how do you identify the need for change? How can you implement these changes effectively?

Embrace the challenges this journey will inevitably bring. You might need to reassess your self-image, take risks, or step outside your comfort zone. But remember, every experience, every stumble, and every victory shapes your evolution as a successful leader.

So, dear leaders, it’s time to redefine your leadership success by crafting your leadership brand. Reflect, interact, learn, grow, and most importantly, enjoy the process (Download a one-page Guide to Building a Personal Leadership Brand).

Your brand is a testament to your unique leadership journey, let it shine authentically!

These questions pave the way for deeper discussions and insights. As a leadership coach, I’m here to facilitate these conversations. Let’s dive into these topics together, explore your unique leadership journey, and work on a brand that truly matters. Contact me for a one-on-one discussion where we can unpack your leadership evolution and build a brand that resonates with your continuous growth.

Leave your comments, ask questions!

Signing off now, wishing you transformative experiences on your journey to a resonant leadership brand.

When the Pie is only so Big

I recently asked members within my community to share topics that were on their minds. The challenges of work/life integration came up multiple times, and this encouraged me to research and dig deeper… to look for possible solutions.

The area I want to focus on today is around how we manage ALL of the various roles that we play.

What is the first thing on your mind when you open your eyes in the morning? For one of my clients, it is “I’m late…”

She begins her day with a sense of already being behind, feeling guilty and feeling unable to keep up with the various demands of each of her roles. We often think of our “role” at work, but we wear so many hats throughout our day and navigate – sometimes seemingly seamlessly – back and forth between them all. We don’t usually see ourselves as taking on these different personas. After all, you might think, I’m just ME. But, there is an energy and an effort to these many roles, and it can lead to many of the feelings my client expressed.

The one that bothered her the most: the feeling that she is not paying attention to her family and the people she loves.

You may wonder, if I am an executive coach, why are her feelings about her waking hours and family and – gasp – love, an area of her life I want to address? The reality is, when I coach someone, I am coaching them as a whole person. We cannot face the professional without the personal coming along for the ride.

I decided to try an exercise with her, and I encourage you to try this, too.

Make a list of all the roles that you play. And, be specific.

Your role can be a wife.

A mother.

A mother to a child with a disability.

A daughter.

A daughter to parents that live in two different cities.

A friend.

A friend of Jane who is going through an illness.

An athlete.

A sister.

A professional.

Now, did you make your list?

First, do not judge the list; simply reflect.

● How many roles do you have?

● What roles are dominant (perhaps not due to importance, but maybe burden)

● How do you feel about these roles?

Remember, this list is the whole you… it is YOU who will play these roles.

Now, go deeper in your reflection:

● Why do I play this role? (Compulsion? Interest? Expectation? Requirement?)

● Who made the decision that you will play this role? (Was it you?)

● To what extent do you enjoy this role?

● What is in it for you?

● Ask yourself: How does this role impact me progress on my way to be a better me, future me, progress? How does this role contribute to your development and growth?

● Which roles do you prefer to get rid of and why?

Some roles we are born into. Some roles we choose. Take an opportunity to analyze and reflect.

What do you observe?

Perhaps you have several roles you enjoy and some you don’t. What does this bring up for you?

For the roles that you have chosen, is there anything you have found you can take off of your plate that you hadn’t even considered? For example, perhaps you have several volunteering commitments. You see this as a big part of your life and an important role: that of a giver. You like to be active, but did you take on more and more without pausing?

Time to take action…

Now, to be honest, if I’m lucky enough, you read this article to the end and now you’re reading these words. (hi, by the way!)

This is a win for me and a win for you.

However, reading motivational content creates an illusion of change. To overcome this illusion, and make real progress, take the time to do the exercises above and reflect. One of the biggest gifts you can give to yourself is the gift of your own time, self-reflection, and self-care. Give yourself that gift now.

The people who propel themselves forward are the ones who practice and take action. They are open to failing (and “failing fast”), studying what happened and then getting back up again and doing something different.

Dig deep. Experiment. Reflect. Enjoy the process. What are the roles you play? What does your pie look like?

And, maybe most importantly: What are you ready to change?

Photo with a pie by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash, Photo with a woman with kids by Alexander Dummer on Unsplash

The Single Biggest Way to Deepen Relationships: Come As You Are

Check out one of the earlier posts in my series about toxic positivity here.

I have a mixed relationship with positivity.

Of course, I think it is great to feel joy and happiness, but the truth is, we have an entire range of emotions. And, if we feel we are consistently trying to “look on the bright side” and not let anyone “see us sweat,” we are doing both ourselves and those around us a disservice.

Enter toxic positivity.

As I shared in a prior post on this topic, to live in a state of forced positivity and to white-knuckle ourselves to happiness is counter-productive to our growth, our truth, and our peace.

While many people embrace positivity for the sake of their interactions with others – and wanting to appear in a certain light or not rock the boat – ironically, one of the main areas of collateral damage from toxic positivity is its negative impact on our relationships.

False (+Forced) Positivity in Action

I had a coaching engagement with a client who was working on her relationships. She saw herself as a positive person who always thought positively of other people. She didn’t question them. She acknowledged that she put people on pedestals, as in an art gallery or a museum.

Do these people ever do anything wrong? Respond negatively? Do they ever hurt you? I asked.

She responded that, if they do, she then puts them in a closet.

“I assume they don’t care or want to hurt me; and I don’t want to be around them. If they apologize, they can leave the closet.”

“What are the chances of this?” I inquired.

“Not too big,” she ultimately replied.

If they did overcome and apologize, she let me know she would put them back on the pedestals but would keep her eye on them.

In our work together, we came to a place where we recognized together that her desire for constant positivity had severely impacted her relationships. When everything was positive (even if only on the surface) everything was “fine”; and her relationships could remain. When anything became too real, serious, constructive, or negative, she feared ruining her relationships and would put them away.

Did this help? In the short term, it may have, but ultimately, we realized, she would have a lot of people in closets, unable to connect with them, and everyone else out on pedestals collecting dust.

Deeper, authentic and more genuine relationships with all would open up the possibility for more hurt but would also allow for a new level of connection.

The view from the other side

Through false positivity, we keep people at arm’s length and can be found putting people on a pedestal simply to avoid the truth.

When initially confronted with ongoing positivity, I may react… well, positively… but as our relationship grows, I may feel something is wrong or false. I will come up with a lot of assumptions and might be afraid to ask because I am not sure about our level of trust. I may wonder, are you hiding something from me?

This questioning is simply because we are human, and this is what our brain does when we know something is wrong. We sense a discrepancy, and this initiates a feeling of danger.

If we are putting on a “positive” show and not being truly ourselves, what will people see? What will they feel? How deep will our connection be?

If we know some of these negative impacts, why do we still force our positive attitude?

In most cases, we are afraid of judgment. What we have observed is that if you are “good” and “positive” you receive many compliments and have less problems. We see the behavior that is rewarded; so, it is only natural we try to mimic that which is beneficial.

As we recognize this and work to expand our relationships authentically, there are a few things we can keep in mind.

Tips on how to make relationships deeper, stronger, and more sustainable.

I am very careful when I look at people, but what I remember is they have inner light. I will give them chances to open their heart, to trust me and show this light. This is about creating relationships. If we allow each of us to ignite one light after another, what a beautiful planet it could be.

Showing up as you… real and raw… is actually beneficial and can deepen your relationships. Here are some ways to do this:

● Don’t put people on a pedestal. They are humans and we all can use some compassion.

● Stop assuming. Start asking.

● Share your feelings. Don’t blame. Express your truth.

● Start any conversation by sharing your intent.

● Listen to learn, not to respond.

● Remember about the inner light. Look into their eyes and try to recognize this light. It’s always there.

Are you ready to kick toxic positivity to the curb in your relationships? Are you ready to dig deep and get real?

It can be challenging and vulnerable, but the pay-off will be great.

Practice some of these tips and share with me your results.

Photo by Cornelia Steinwender on Unsplash

Humble Leadership: The Power of Keeping an Open Mind

“Humility is the most important quality in a leader. Being humble doesn’t mean to be passive. This is a difficult dichotomy to balance. But as with all the dichotomies–being strong, but not overbearing, for example–just the awareness of these two opposing forces becomes one of the most powerful tools at a leader’s disposal. Leaders must be humble enough to listen to new ideas, willing to learn strategic insights, and open to implementing new and better tactics and strategies. But a leader must also be ready to stand firm when there are clearly unintended consequences that negatively impact the mission and risk harm to the team.” – The Dichotomy of Leadership, J. Willink and L. Babin.

Senior leaders talk about humility often. They want to be approachable, open‑minded, and willing to learn. At the same time, they need to project confidence, make high‑stakes decisions, and hold firm when it matters. The tension between humble leadership and strong executive presence can feel confusing: if you admit you don’t know, will people still trust you? If you stay open to others’ views, will you be seen as indecisive?​

In the Leadership Integrity Framework, humility lives at the intersection of Purpose, Presence, and Partnership—knowing your limits, showing up with grounded confidence, and relating to others with genuine curiosity.

Humility Is Not Low Self‑Esteem

Part of the confusion comes from how we use the word “humility.” Leaders sometimes mix it up with self‑doubt, passivity, or playing small.​

A useful way to differentiate:

  • Humility: Willingness to seek advice, listen to other points of view, and be open to changing your approach. You acknowledge both strengths and limits.
  • Low self‑esteem: Persistent lack of confidence in who you are and what you can do. You mostly see your flaws and rarely claim your strengths.​

Humble leaders recognize they are imperfect and still capable. Leaders with low self‑esteem see their imperfections as proof they do not belong. That difference matters for executive presence. Humility strengthens credibility; chronic self‑doubt erodes it.

What Humility Looks Like in Practice

True humility is not weakness. It requires enough inner stability that you don’t need constant validation to feel legitimate.​

In practice, humble leadership can look like:

  • Admitting when you were wrong—and correcting course without dramatizing it
  • Saying, “I don’t know yet, let me look into that,” instead of pretending to have all the answers
  • Acknowledging that someone else has the better idea, and championing it visibly
  • Staying open to feedback, even when it is uncomfortable or challenges your assumptions​

These behaviors draw directly on intellectual humility. As Adam Grant describes, intellectual humility is the capacity to stay curious instead of defensive, to search for what is true rather than what makes you feel right. For senior leaders, this is not a nice‑to‑have; it is a core competence in complex environments.​

From a Leadership Integrity perspective:

  • Purpose keeps you rooted in your values, so you can admit mistakes without losing your center.
  • Presence allows you to communicate “I don’t know” in a way that still feels steady and responsible.
  • Partnership turns humility into a relationship strength—others feel respected, heard, and invited into problem‑solving.

Do You Lose Confidence When You Admit You Don’t Know?

Many executives quietly fear that if they show uncertainty, their confidence will be questioned. They imagine that saying “I’m not sure yet” will undermine their authority or credibility with the board, their team, or key stakeholders.​

What people actually read as weak is not uncertainty; it is avoidance.

  • Dodging hard questions.
  • Offering vague answers to protect your image.
  • Defending an outdated position because changing your mind feels like failure.​

By contrast, saying “Here’s what we know, here’s what we don’t yet know, and here’s how we’ll find out” often increases trust. It demonstrates clarity, integrity, and a commitment to the work over ego. In other words, the combination of intellectual humility and clear next steps strengthens executive presence rather than diluting it.

The Goal: Confident and Open‑Minded

If you’ve just explored confidence, it can sound like humility asks you to swing to the opposite pole—to defer, stay quiet, and let others lead the way. That is not the invitation.​

The real work is balance:

  • Presenting confidently and staying open to being wrong.
  • Taking a clear stand and being curious about perspectives you have not yet considered.
  • Owning your expertise and recognizing it is incomplete without others’ insight.​

This is a vertical move: from “either I’m confident or I’m humble” to “I can be both confident and humble in the same conversation.” It is also where Purpose, Presence, and Partnership reinforce each other instead of pulling you in different directions.​

When leaders embody this balance, they quietly dismantle the myths that “confidence equals competence” and “humility equals ignorance.” They show that the most trustworthy leaders are often the ones willing to keep an open mind while still taking responsibility for the call.​

If you see yourself in this tension, notice your next meeting where you could practice both: state your view clearly, then ask one genuinely curious question that might change your mind.

*If you enjoyed this post, you may like my latest post on confidence.

Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash

The Surprising Truth Behind Confidence

“Lack of confidence kills more dreams than lack of ability. You’re capable of more than you think. Don’t be your own bottleneck.”

– James Clear

In senior leadership, confidence is rarely a simple “do I have it or not?” question. More often, it shows up as something subtler: second‑guessing your decisions, over‑editing your contributions in meetings, or worrying that if you speak too strongly, you will be perceived as arrogant. Many executives sit in this tension, wanting to be seen as confident leaders while quietly fearing they might be “too much.”​

In the Leadership Integrity Framework, confidence sits at the intersection of Purpose and Presence: knowing what you stand for and showing up in ways that reflect it. When those two dimensions drift apart, confidence either collapses inward into self‑doubt or inflates outward into something that feels like arrogance.

What Confident Leadership Actually Looks Like

When most people talk about confidence in leadership, they describe a feeling—an inner sense of steadiness or conviction. In practice, leadership confidence looks less like a feeling and more like a set of recognizable behaviors:​

  • Speaking up in difficult conversations and staying in the debate
  • Raising issues with senior stakeholders that others are reluctant to surface
  • Negotiating for what you genuinely believe you or your team deserves
  • Giving full credit to others without feeling diminished by their success

These expressions of confidence share a common thread: a leader who is anchored in their values and willing to stand behind their judgment. That is Presence—your internal clarity made visible through your choices, body language, and communication.

Confidence vs. Arrogance: Why They’re Not the Same

One of the most common concerns leaders bring into coaching is the fear of being perceived as too confident: too direct, too strong, too self‑assured. They have a mental image of the arrogant leader—dismissive, self‑referential, uninterested in feedback—and they want to avoid becoming that person at all costs.​

Here is the surprising truth: confidence and arrogance are not two points on the same line. They are closer to opposite poles.

  • Confidence is grounded in self‑respect and respect for others. It sounds like, “Here is my view, and I’m open to being wrong.”
  • Arrogance is grounded in insecurity and defensiveness. It sounds like, “Here is the view, and disagreement is a threat.”​

Genuine confidence is compatible with humility, curiosity, and learning. Arrogance is what happens when leaders use certainty to shield themselves from vulnerability, feedback, or shared accountability.​

From a Leadership Integrity Framework perspective, confidence is an aligned expression of Purpose and Presence—your inner compass and your outer behavior working together. Arrogance appears when Presence is cut off from Purpose: strong performance signals with little inner reflection or relational awareness.

How Relationship Patterns Shape Your Confidence

Underneath most “confidence issues” is not a personality flaw; it is a relational pattern. How you habitually relate to people directly shapes how confident you feel and how confident you appear.​

When leaders build relationships on:

  • Honesty and openness about what they see
  • Willingness to share opinions and invite others’ views
  • Genuine interest in feedback, even when it stings

…their authenticity does a lot of the confidence work for them. Colleagues experience them as grounded, approachable, and dependable, even when they are still developing in a new role.​

By contrast, when leaders relate from:

  • Conflict avoidance and a strong desire to “look good”
  • Guardedness and reluctance to show where they need support
  • Difficulty giving credit or receiving help

…their lack of transparency becomes their confidence problem. Others experience them as distant or self‑protective, which undermines both trust and executive presence.​

This is where the Partnership dimension of the framework comes in. Confidence is not only an internal state; it is relational. How you connect, listen, and respond to others either amplifies or erodes your felt sense of confidence.​

How to Build Confident Leadership Without Losing Humility

The good news is that leadership confidence is not a fixed trait. It can be developed through intentional, research‑aligned practices that integrate Purpose, Presence, and Partnership.​

You can start with three concrete moves:

  • Deepen your self‑awareness.
    Explore your values, triggers, and habitual stories about your own capability. Notice where “I’m not ready” has become a default narrative rather than a data‑based assessment. Reflect on questions like: When do I actually feel most grounded in my leadership? Where do I reliably under‑estimate myself?​
  • Practice brave vulnerability.
    Identify specific areas where you need support or perspective and name them explicitly. Asking for help does not weaken your authority; it signals maturity, self‑knowledge, and commitment to the work over ego. As Jocko Willink and Leif Babin note, confident leaders elevate others, encourage them to step up, and push praise down the line rather than hoarding it.​
  • Audit how you show up in relationships.
    Watch your micro‑behaviors: Do you celebrate colleagues’ wins without qualification? Do you listen to feedback with genuine openness rather than immediate defense? Are you willing to say, “I got this wrong,” without collapsing into self‑criticism?​

Leaders who work at this integration often describe feeling more quietly assured. Their confidence becomes less about projecting certainty and more about staying consistent with who they are and how they want to lead.

The Heart of Confident Leadership

If you want to build sustainable, authentic confidence, start with how you relate to yourself and to others.​

  • Purpose clarifies what you stand for.
  • Presence communicates that clarity in a way others can feel.
  • Partnership ensures your confidence strengthens relationships rather than constricting them.​

In the end, nothing signals real confidence more than an open mind and an open heart.

Photo by Amandine Lerbscher on Unsplash